


The Candle Flame and Wilting Lily

by Baphmio



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baphmio/pseuds/Baphmio
Summary: Yuri has become accustomed to her life, isolated and watching as others grow connections and bloom in the flowers they were meant to be. That was until she had met the Literature Club. As her last year of high school begins and winter begins to come around, she seeks to deepen her connection with the rest of the club: Sayori, Monika, and especially her fractured relationship with Natsuki. As well as finding out many aspects of the other's lives that she hadn't even considered.The task sounds daunting, she would be playing with fire. Beats freezing in isolation.
Relationships: Monika & Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Natsuki & Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 37





	1. The Seeds Have Been Planted

**Author's Note:**

> This story would switch in the perspective of the different characters: Yuri, Natsuki, Sayori, and Monika. Though mostly between Yuri and Natsuki. I have found writing in Yuri's perspective much more easier than the others. As I am naturally a more cynical person, though like to compare things to an artistic point of view. Or I may be a bit dramatic with my views. I would like to say that very big inspiration with this is the fan fiction Passerby, which I encourage others to read. This will be a slow build, but I will plant (very intentional) the hints there.

A small, flower pot had sat on the still of a closed window, rattling and shaking every few seconds as the rain had begun a violent patter against the small house. The flower pot held a blooming, beautiful lily. It had illuminated a vibrant purple in the dark, dingy room. The moon provided a lifeless, blue tinge light source that, while did not exactly articulate every single crevasse, it did provide for some sort of basic outline of the room. It was quite the small, but comfy enough room that held enough space for enough furniture, such as a bed, moved to the middle of the room, a desk placed near the window, dark oak in particular, which had a notebook with one pencil next to it, a lamp, a phone and small laptop; armwalls placed near the corners of the wall and a TV placed on the arm wall opposite of the bed. 

The pounding of the rain had echoed softly throughout the house, causing Yuri to shift in her attempt to finally rest. Her eyes had slightly opened, finally sitting up after hours of attempting to put her temple of over analysis to rest, to no avail. A sense of frustration had settled over her, tugging and eventually holding the end of her black, long sleeved shirt with the end of her fingertips, holding the sleeve in this position. 

As frustrated as Yuri as was, the soft, yet violent attack of the raindrops had calmed her senses and nerves just a bit. Enough to stop her from shivering ever so slightly. She had placed herself on the chair at her desk, slumping over and resting her head on her crossed arms. 

Yuri was quite thankful for the weather, as leaving her mind to sit in silence surely would have driven her insane. This decision has been eating and devouring her entire attention and psyche, leeching off of her mind and not allowing her to process any sort of information around her. She felt trapped in her airless box, only being able to breathe the carbon dioxide she had exhaled. Though a certain level of ease had come over her as she listened to the rain fall. Better to keep her mind at bay then to leave her alone with her thoughts, that would be the worst state to succumb to. 

The lily pot rattled again as lightning struck causing the smaller objects to tip over, as if they were tapped by a clumsy child bumping into every single crevasse of the house. A single petal had ripped off and had floated on to Yuri’s nose. The petal had brushed against her eye, causing her to jolt back, softy rubbing her eyes as her vision became blurry. The lily was yet, still so vibrant and visible. She felt so minuscule in comparison.

Yet, she had still made the decision to break out of her shell. At the time, she felt a surge of confidence to make this promise, or maybe it was a sense of optimistic foolishness. Realistically it was a mixture of both. All she really understood was that she could not let these connections wave past her. These connections, being the literature club.

That being, Natsuki, Sayori, and Monika.

The Literature Club has been such an odd experience in her life. For as long as she knew, she felt personally isolated from this world. She was locked in a cage, forced to only speak to herself and the voices in her head, except the key was only a good stretch away from the cage. She developed herself, based on the years of loneliness, the torment and judgement, and the few meaningful conversations she had with her mother, for the most part, she had developed like an animal who had just been born into the wild, as pretentious as that sounds, her childhood had been stolen away from her.

The Literature Club had been her first introduction to human sympathy and communication. Her first real discussion and be reciprocated with the same amount of interest and ideas, well...most of the time. And despite how little they really knew, it was her first group...her first friends….despite her usual passion, she had never really expressed this gratitude towards others, and only analyzed their interactions from afar. Soon learning and adapting to their personalities, but never connecting. She had felt stuck in a rainstorm, however an umbrella had been placed two dirty ponds away.

Sayori, the bubbly, childish, overtly friendly and animated bundle of joy who had constantly checked to make sure everyone was purely considering how quickly unicorns could run across rainbows. She had found her so overwhelming to deal with at first, and yet so energized. Yuri felt like she was being constantly fed sugar when she was around her; overwhelming, and yet heartwarming. Her energy and immaturity, while annoying to most, had been such a breath of fresh air compared to Yuri’s natural cynicism. Such a bright person even in this isolating and depressing world, and despite how foolish Sayori was, to be so happy..it was something to admire. And yet, there was always an underlying layer of melancholy in her statements. Everyone in the club had experienced this, or at least noticed, the few times Sayori would become much more tranquil, her mood had turned almost..saddening. 

Monika, the controlling, perfect, confident pompous student. She had seemed to never really fit with this club, not because of being an outlier, but because...she had seemed she had so much other stuff to do with her time. She was charismatic, confident, snarky, managed multiple clubs and had flourished in the social life and structure outside of this literature club. While the others did not. She had stood out, but in the best way possibly. She was open to conversation, formed her opinions effectively, she was decided as the best in the club. And yet, there was always a sort of disconnect between her and the rest. She had an aura of unwinding pompousness, and had this need of being in control. Yuri had assumed she had seen life as simulation, and Monika had the controller. She was possibly the easiest to discuss with, the easiest and most open to talk to, and yet the most intimidating. There was such a difference in social status, a toddler speaking to a straight A student.

And then there was Natsuki..

The ball of flame that had blown up every single club meeting. The most stressful and passionate out of the three. The most explosive, ball of pure passion and emotion..or at least that is how Yuri saw her. She had been so intimidating, every time she spoke to her, defensive and passionate, tough, confident enough for her to defend herself. Venomous and strong, tough yet small..and yet something felt so alluring to her. There seemed something behind that passion, behind the flame. She was fiery, but even a flame could be calmed, right?

These were the three people, and Natsuki had been the outlier of pure difficulty to surpass. Yuri reached to deepen these friendships, specifically decided by her relationship with Natsuki. Her damaged, almost tense relationship with Natsuki had to be fixed. Yuri did not know exactly why she felt the need to deepen and repair their relationships..maybe it was a mission? A whole life living in fear and isolation, finally finding a pack to bond with, but finding the relationships to be empty in concept, even after four years.

This was unlike Yuri, she had romanticized her life and the details many times before, but was a cynic. She had never really believed in the more optimistic and naive realities of life, she had a mature mindset, a realistic sense of the world, or her cynical view of the world was only a facade of the realism she had fooled herself to believe? Perhaps this was why she searched for something more in these bonds. 

Yuri had wanted to make these last...as much as possible..

Even if it meant playing with fire...she wanted to feel the burn..

Yuri had stared at the lily once more. It had already reached its peak..she felt so pathetic.

  
  


_ The Seeds Have Been Planted _

_ The shells of life had finally been set. _

_ Dug into the depths of the earth, washing in the natural flow and juices of nature. _

_ The only thing left needed, was proper care. _

_ One who would guide the child into the proper teachings and learnings. Allow her to develop on its own, and yet still be present with the necessary tools to aid in her bloom.  _

_ The seed herself, could not wait to finally grow towards the outside world. _

_ Experience her first sense of connection with fresh oxygen, the honeybees that would give her experience in connecting with others.  _

_ Perhaps, looking back at her life, she could reflect on the times where her fellow plants _

_ Had not received the same care. _

_ Watching as the others had wilted in comparison, and felt pathetic, despite growing _

_ on the same patch. _

_ Or maybe I should stop projecting.  _


	2. Familiar Scents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki arrives home from running errands with her father. She reflects on the scents and smells of her daily routine, while pondering on her relationship with the Literature Club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see, I'm glad to be back. I apologize for this chapter taking so long, life got in the way and had a hard time. But I am back! And I am hoping to update this chapter at least once or month or once every two weeks. Frankly, I've been slacking, but I am feeling creative again, so I can not wait to see this story develop. Thank you for all of the nice comments last time, it really inspired me to keep writing. I really love this pairing so, :)).

The smell of gasoline still filled Natsuki’s nose as she walked into her dingy apartment, hearing her dad’s old, beaten up car struggle to drive off. 

“Why does he constantly..” 

She trailed off, thinking it was useless to ponder on a question she already knew the answer too. Though it was hard to ignore the smell it left. A strong, disgusting, smell that made her body recoil without actually having the power to do so. Her face, though it was unmarked, felt dirty. With a grumble, she unlocked her front door and shoved the door open, sending a loud creak through her entire floor. 

“Shit.” 

She whispered to herself, using her entire, tiny body to push it closed again. 

Already she felt winded from this intense workout. Luckily though, this seemed to have gotten the smell of exhaust out of her nose. So, at the very least, to her, there was one positive to take from this. “Stop being so dramatic.” 

The smell that replaced it though was the old scent of beer, smelled exactly like her dad’s breath in a few hours, but aged. It didn’t always smell like this, however years of drunken fits of rage and drips of beer on a carpet floor really took effect on the already grimy apartment, 

“Or whatever poetic way Yuri would describe this shithole.” 

Natsuki thought to herself. The smell however, wasn’t exactly unpleasant to her. It was a foul smell, but it felt familiar. It wasn’t an alienating, oppressive force, like school, or the smell of the Literature Club, or Yuri’s homemade tea. It was a rancid, but familiar smell that made her comfortable. Natsuki wasn’t really sure if that was good or not. 

The rain began to pound the dirty windows of her home. She felt sort of glad now that her dad sped down as if he was in a high speed chase. 

“I almost died in a car crash, but hey! At least I didn’t get wet.” 

Though it began to get colder, she made sure to roll her pink sleeves all the way to her fingertips. “Maybe I shouldn’t have worn a skirt today.” 

She scoffed at herself, it wasn’t exactly the first time this had happened, so she got used to the that slightly shivery walk, however she still felt stupid because well, she was used to it.

Natsuki rushed to her room, flopping down on her cardboard bed, getting under her blankets to warm up. Her room was the only room in the house that smelled slightly pleasant, now this was pleasant. Cheap perfume and fruity smells, that were not natural in any sense. These were cheap perfumes that she would either steal or buy with nearly expired coupons at small convenient stores near her house. She made sure to spray these scents just enough to be an immediate presence in her room but also to not be so poignant that to be nauseating. It was like a high, to her at least. Smelling the watermelon kiwi made her relax her frail, tense body just a bit. Enough for her to settle in. It kept her distracted, the random screams and slams, the rumbling of her stomach, the vibrations of her phone she would get from Sayori asking if she could use her homework to cheat; it was her own little heaven. Recently she has needed some sort of distraction. 

Recently, the Literature Club has become a much more present part of her life. Well, it’s always been impactful, in the sense that it was a place of solitude. Not like her room, but another place she could ease up. The rag tag three: Monika, Sayori, and Yuri, were a new breath of fresh air. Sometimes, not needed. Well, she always found something to complain about them. 

Monika had constantly teased and one upped her in many quip wars they’d have together, she felt eager to prove her strength to the powerhouse of the club. As pathetic as that sounds. She always smelled of the expensive perfume she would see in billboards and commercials. Strong scents, though Monika always knew how to put it on just the right amount. 

“Of course she did.”

Then there was Sayori, she liked her the most, and found her the most entertaining and easy to be around. She was genuinely her friend, they had frequently visited each other, Sayori introduced her to the club, in the first place. This cartoon character of a human being, exaggeratedly overjoyed with a secret to her persona. But, this was not her place to talk of. Sayori always had this mixture of unwashed clothing and spilled sweets on her shirts. It was charming, to Natsuki anyway. Though it was always a mixture of it, never one or the other. It sort of intrigued her, was there something she didn’t know of Sayori?

“Jeez..”

Then there was Yuri. Natsuki furrowed her brow, as if to replicate how she would be staring at her. To Natsuki, Yuri was someone that caused complicated emotions out of her. She felt competitive, but not in the way she felt with Monika, she knew she was “better than Yuri,” that’s what she told herself. At the same time, she felt saddened by this aspect. Natsuki couldn’t really understand why her and Yuri had such an aggressive relationship. She knew Yuri differed in opinion and writing style, but hell everyone in the club was different in that aspect. So what was it? Maybe it was how she smelled. Yuri smelled naturally sweet. Not a cupcake sort of sweet, but a nice, like a lavender sweet. It was hard to explain, but for a girl who seemingly didn’t care for her looks, Yuri sure did look, well, good. Natsuki shook her head at this thought, but it was true to her. She felt oddly, pleasant, but scared. A weird sense of familiarity. 

“Pretty much the only good thing about her..”

All of this reflection took Natsuki out of her comfort zone. She felt her out of her high, and back to that rancid old alcoholic smell. 

“Shit..we-”

Suddenly she felt her phone vibrate, and quickly sat up. Checking her phone, it was from Sayori.

“hey hey nat! wat are ya up to. :))”

“just sitting. and you?”

“me too!! 0-0”

“yea?”

“yea!”

“Sayori what do you want”

“i just want to talk with you nat! dont be so mean!! >:((“

Natsuki sighed, smirking a bit. She couldn’t really be too mean to Sayori.

“fine fine, my bad.”

“gasp! you apologizing? who are you and who took the real nat?!!”

“alright sayori, what the fuck do you want?”

“Ok ok, we’re all having a meeting at this cafe near my house tomorrow, for the club.”

“Huh? What does Monika want us to do this time?”

“mm actually it was yuri who wanted this meeting.”

Natsuki read that message again, taking a double take over and over until she felt her phone vibrate consecutively, three times in a row.

“nat?”

“Nat???”

“NAT?!!!”  
  


“yes yes, i’m here. uh i’ll be able to make it.”

“great! Monika said she can pick us up :DD”  
  


“sounds good.”

The idea of having Yuri host a meeting sounded a bit foolish to Natsuki. Throwing aside her bias against Yuri, she never saw her as a leader type. She knew how to present her ideas effectively and even inspired Natsuki many times, but a leader? To be honest, Natsuki thought Yuri didn’t have the confidence to be a leader. The whole idea felt extremely humorous to her, even finding herself chuckling at the thought. Until her basic human decency reminded her how rude that was. Still, she felt suspicious of a sudden Yuri led meeting, and would keep her guard up. 

A new smell filled her nose, it was oddly familiar. Home like, reminded her of her a purple haired girl, she hated it.

“hai hai nat! can you bring a cookie for me tomorrow?”  
  


“get your own.”  
  


“MEANIE! >:((“

_Familiar Scents_

_You're strawberry scent sends me a high_

_Distracting me from his alcoholic stench_

_You lift me up from the dangers below_

_Taking me away from her intoxicating smell_

_You keep me safe, in a bubble_

_Away from him and her_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now on characterization. I wanted to be able to naturally flow Natsuki's sarcasm with the narrative. Observational, but not in the artistic and poetic way of Yuri's cynicism, more realistically and a punch to the gut cynicism. Also, I kind of made Natsuki more emotionally impactful on the narrative, more harsh judgements towards Yuri that even she recognizes. Do not fret, this will not last for long, though...it will be a wait until they become friends. Still planning on this to be a bit slower.  
> Also the poem, short but sweet. I wanted to it be short because of Natsuki's emotional state at the time, not willing to really want to reflect on the topics that make her uncomfortable, at the moment. I wanted to characterize Natsuki as stubborn, a bit more rude, of course hurting, but definitely still prone to making mistakes and being unnecessarily aggressive.  
> Anyways, this is it. I am hoping the next chapter will be coming in the next two to three weeks. Leave any comments if you'd like!  
> Tell me what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Ah so I see you have made it to the end of the chapter, I am glad you read it. Please tell me what you thought, compliments, and criticism is very much appreciated. I personally always loved the Yuri x Natsuki pairing, even if there isn't much to gather off of besides a few game interactions and poems. Oh and of course, Salvato himself! :DD I will try to release these chapters at a regular basis, and by that I mean not leave you all hiatus. Though I will not promise this. Thank you for reading, comments are open!


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